I'm supposed to be packing. Little by little I'm supposed to sort through everything that I've collected over the four years I've spent at Northwestern, the four years I've spent in Chicago and make choices: what will stay and what will go.
But I find myself stuck. All morning I've been staring helplessly at my desk in awe at the ocean of papers I've managed to accumulate over the years and wondering how I will ever get this done. I just keep cycling through determination, hesitation, helplessness, and frustration, and then back to determination in an endless loop. And as I pace around my room just picking things up - like a garden gnome I had bought at a garage sale on a whim - dusting them off, and setting them down again, I finally realize why. I've been focusing too hard on achieving the end goal, and in doing so I've forgotten that this is not something that can be rushed but must be taken one step at a time. I've been so preoccupied with holding on to what's past, that I've forgotten how excited I am to move on. My garden gnome, with his stubby fingers, his beady eyes, and his crooked grin....... he mocks me.
And this scenario plays out time and time again. With Sabi, with this blog. I'm so excited to see SABI come to fruition with the unveiling of our very first location, that I'm trying to rush over all the little details that must be addressed in order to get there. I am so overwhelmed by the thought of this page reaching Oprah, that I have been paralyzed by the fear that my next post will not live up to standard of excellence that I have established with my previous posts.
I took a break yesterday from posting on this blog, and I do not regret it. I needed a chance to collect myself after having poured everything I had into my first letter to Oprah. I wanted to give the letter enough time to sink in, and I didn't want to trivialize the milestone, both in my mind and my audience, by moving on immediately. But I expected to wake up today ready and willing to pick up where I left off; ready to conquer the minds and hearts of skeptics out there, and willing to do whatever it took to win more support for SABI and the dream that I so fiercely believe in. But instead, I scrolled through my drafts reading the scattered thoughts I had saved for future inspiration, and every time I settled on a new topic I stalled and eventually closed the page. I have so much to say, I have so much to give, and yet I find myself silenced... why?
And just as I had realized with packing up my room, I realized that I had built up the enormity of the task too much in my head. That I was being held back by the success of my previous posts, too scared that my next posts would not be able to hold up in sincerity, clarity, and strength of message. And in doing so, I was single-handedly getting in my own way, in SABI's way. In the whirlwind of trying to convince the world that SABI has something truly amazing to offer, and in trying to compel people to live by the example that SABI has set, I had forgotten to start from the very first step: Accepting the SABI ideology into my own life, putting into action what I already so strongly believe, and committing each day to leading by example.
And so, I put away my hesitation, helplessness, and frustration. And with my determination, I refuse to allow what I've already accomplished to hold me back. I will use my past as inspiration for the future. I will not be afraid of failure because it doesn't signal the end of the world, but the beginning of a new and improved one. I will not forget to appreciate the little things in the magnitude of the big picture.
As Trevor explained, for him the SABI dream, the dream he's always chased has been "to be in charge of what I do... I want to be my own boss". So today, I've decided that I will no longer allow expectations, fears, or uncertainty to rule my life. I will not allow the enormity of my task to overwhelm me. I will take charge of my dream and make it happen, one step at a time. I, not anything else, will be in charge of what I do.
This past week has been a look into the greater meaning of SABI and the revolution that it is introducing to the world. In the next week or so leading up to my second letter to Oprah, I want to document the smaller steps that Dan, Shaan, and Trevor have taken in order to be where they are now. I want to celebrate the people in their lives that have supported them through their most uncertain times, as well as all the mistakes that they have made allowing them to gain the strength and wisdom that they so desperately need in order to make SABI a reality. I want shift gears and stop, explore, and appreciate all the little things that have contributed to, that allow SABI to be great.
Because you cannot understand where something is going without understanding where it came from. Because the little things should not be forgotten in the pursuit of the dream. Because trying to describe SABI in generalities does a disservice to what truly makes it great... Because it's the details that make the picture.
No comments:
Post a Comment